Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Innocence Lost

I will try to keep my blog to my handwork tales but for now, real life is taking over my needlework life…

Today was the day.  Today was the day I learned an ugly truth. 
I’m not talking about my innocence.  I’m talking about my daughter Lauren and her innocence lost.  To witness it and hear it is brutal beyond measure. 

Yesterday she learned her best friend’s husband had been killed while serving in Afghanistan. 
As much as we try to shield our children from the horrors of the world there are some that get past us. 
The strange thing is, when did it change from us protecting them to them protecting us?  It happened under my nose and it seems I totally missed it.

I still see my girls as my “little girls”.  I guess they will forever be frozen in time that way for me even though they are all three adults now with families and loves all their own.  They have lost friends through accidents at home, in the car, school, etc., but never in war.  War is the grown-up place to go.

My kids have been surrounded by war for a long time.  Their dad (my husband) was a career Air Force officer as well as other family members.  My girls’ families are directly affected by it because Lauren’s husband Juan, is an active-duty Army officer (Capt.) and has served a tour in Iraq, returning a year ago.  Jordan’s sister-in-law, Alison (Maj. USA), and two brothers-in-law, Jeremiah (Maj. USMC) and Tim (Maj. USA) all active-duty, with all being deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan multiple times.  They also have classmates serving since 9-11.  I’m proud beyond words of their choice to serve their country and all that goes with it.  They are doing it because our country was attacked and they believe in fighting for the ideals our country stands for and to be clear, they do it out of CHOICE, to keep and make our freedoms better…  NOT because they’ll "get a college education out of it" and NOT because "they are too poor to do anything else". 

People have been dying in wars since the beginning of time.  Sadly, it goes with the territory.  My heart always goes out to any family that loses a son, a daughter, a husband/wife, brother/sister, friend, a dad or a mother while serving our country.  We’ve been fortunate in that it’s rarely been someone close to us. 
Yesterday that changed and now for my “innocent” daughter, her world has changed forever too just like the life of her best friend, Susan. 
This isn’t something I can kiss and make go away.  I can’t cover it with a band-aid or drink it away with a glass of water.  This is the kind of hurt that comes from a place thankfully most of us will never have to connect with, relate to, or acknowledge that there even is such a place. 
I don't’ have the words to comfort her pain or that of her best friend.  There just aren’t any.  God has to speak to them for me because he’s the only one fluent in the language of this kind of compassion and grief.

So, when I spoke to Lauren today to see if she was doing ok, that’s when I realized she had changed.  It was the first time she had a crisis and she didn’t call to ask me what to do.  She called to tell me what happened, was comforting to me, and she was going about the motions to do her part in helping to support her friend. 
She understands in a very personal way now that our soldiers don’t always come back to us.  Sometimes they go back to God.

Although she’s still and will always be my little girl, I see she accepts and understands what she needs to do to hold things together and stand up,  being the strong place for Susan and her children to go.  And even though I know there isn’t such a place to cushion this kind of fall, the point is, if there were one, Susan would know Lauren is by her side, supporting her in any way she’s needed, not as my “innocent” child but as my little girl with a woman’s heart.

Rest in peace Bruce Kevin Clark.
You are dearly missed.

I tried to stay on point so forgive me if I rambled a bit…

Debra <3

I know Susan and her girls are the primary reason for my blog today but I have sent her a personal message and didn't want to disclose that message here.  Please understand this was my release for a ramification of what happened as I witnessed it. 
And also, please if you will, offer a prayer for Susan and their daughters, that God wraps his arms around them and comforts them as only he can.  I thank you all in advance.  ^i^


  1. A piece of my heart feels broken as well. ... jan

    1. Thank you Jan for responding and please keep Susan and her family in your prayers ^i^
      Debra <3

  2. When a soldier sacrifices his life for our blessed USA the ripples spread far and wide. My heart goes to his beautiful family, friends and most especially his parents. You know there is a bond between parent and child like no other. Bruce...thank you...your memory will be honored.

    1. Thank you Laurie and so true. His parents raised an extraordinary son and all are better for knowing him.
      Debra <3

  3. thanks, Mom. I love you.